Bravery in Self Love

A journal entry

Everyday, I have to unlearn the urge to forgive and forget, and practice being kind and gentle to myself, which on most days feel impossible. But empathy without boundaries is self destruction. And self destruction is so easy. Everyday, I wish to be more like the armadillo.

The armadillo has an armed outer shell, and her defense mechanism is to roll into a ball to protect herself. Although, I don’t think there’s anything cowardly in self preservation. The animal is well respected in my country, Paraguay, for her courage to defend herself rather than fight.

When I was a little kid, I carried around a miniature, Paraguayan wooden sculpture of an armadillo. It is a dark brown with lots of carved ridges, indicating the texture of an armadillo’s skin. It’s missing an ear and a foot, and the tail is worn and scratched out. It was very well loved, I remember it being the size of my hand, now it fits snug in my palm.

Now I’m much older and have a much bigger wooden armadillo. It’s made of a lighter color wood, and the texture is burned into the wood rather than carved. It’s a little more than the length of my forearm, it sits on my bookshelf. Right beside my miniature armadillo.

Looking at them now, they could be representations of me in different stages of my life. My younger self, so tiny and friendly. Broken but still here. And my older self, big and strong. Burned and still beautiful. Both made with love, both a form of art.

The armadillo reminds me there is bravery in self love and courage in protection. I wish I were more like the armadillo.