"I Grew Up Mean": A Breakdown

The meaning and the making

My short video piece “I Grew Up Mean” is a visual interpretation of my all time favorite poem with the same title by user veneficasum on Tumblr. Here’s just a snippet:

I grew up mean.

I grew up ugly, I grew up girl.

The poem is accompanied by two oil paintings of dog teeth, with the words “Mean on the outside, Mean on the inside”

The Meaning

The video also features a dog (my own dog, Shiloh, who is very well trained and not at all harmed in the making of the video) sitting in front of a pink curtain. The dog is barking at something off screen, it’s edited and cut with close up shots of her teeth and the inside of her mouth. Then she bites at a hand, the hand grabs her mouth and closes it shut, and it ends with the hand opening her jaw to reveal her teeth.

The barking, growling dog represents a woman’s anger isn’t taken seriously and often put on for show. The dog is standing in front of this pink curtain with a spotlight on her, clearly distraught, almost like she’s screaming to get off stage and out of the light. She is making demands but not being heard.

The hand that grabs her and forcefully opens her mouth represents, despite the dog’s anger, she is still put on for show.

The video is meant to feel invasive, claustrophobic. I want the audience to feel like they lost their sense of control along with the dog.

The Making

I don’t have the money for professional equipment, which means with every video I make, I have to be very resourceful. For the background, I taped magazine and newspaper advertisements to the wall (which can’t be seen in the video because of its grainy quality, just an added layer of meaning for those who know its there) and draped a sheer pink window curtain over it. The lighting comes from a desk lamp and I used my dad’s 2004 camcorder to film.

I got Shiloh to sit in front of the camera and bark. And for the close up shots of Shiloh’s teeth, I got her to chew on a bone by the camera lens.

The sound effects were sourced from different dogs playing or eating. I edited them together to sound like she was in distress.

Behind the scenes! Shiloh being very excited about turkey, while I'm stressing about how much footage I have left

Conclusion

This continues to be my most favorite thing I made. Dog imagery in art, especially when depicting women’s anger, is so special to me. And it was even more special getting the chance to make a visual interpretation of my favorite poem with my beloved dog.